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Note To Self: Whatever

by Dwight Vernon Forcey

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1.
I feel like I've been forging my own signature every time I sign my name so I just scribble on the paper in hopes that no one notices that despite all my best efforts and my otherwise decent handwriting I am in fact not left handed and half of these letters look like numbers We didn't talk for a few weeks I didn't mind in fact I was happy the whole damn time when I saw you I felt a little guilty the weight of the world on your shoulders is nothing to be taken lightly You said the drugs didn't mind well neither do I I've been the one using I've been the one being used it a'int nothing new I can't stop picking fights that I know I can't win I just feel better when I lose
2.
Munsoned 03:01
It was some time ago I finally realized the fact I can't move at all forward until I'm done looking back I spent so many years wondering how somebody even begins to be something other than a catastrophe I'm just wondering why I keep my jaw clinched so tight at night when I'm asleep I'm afraid that I'll wake up without any teeth one day Sometimes I feel like I'm still learning how to talk but I promise you I'll figure out a way to get my goddamn point across I've spent my life dreaming of a place we don't live in somewhere we don't worry about breathing a word of anything pertaining to the sea I just want to see where the water meets the land but i don't want to be missing when the devil inside you is calling my name
3.
I went blind from staring at the ground I had bored myself and everyone around could only hear laughter from the studio audience on the T.V. downstairs they sit there in their chairs waiting for their queue to applaud the actors on stage but for who their names, their face, they're fake but for who their names, their face, they're fake I was sleeping on the carpet when i awoke I sat up to touch the lines the floor had drawn on my face I don't remember but I guess last night I came to this place and I could not recognize my face or maybe i just didn't want to admit I am someone else sometimes We are not who we are sometimes we are not who we are we each get a name passed down wether or not you like the sound of it now it's not who you are just what they will call you any preconceived notion of who you could have been will follow you until the end Sometimes we are not who sometimes we are not who sometimes we are not who we are
4.
Blind as a bat without the echolocation flying through your cave just trying to escape and if you could just listen maybe you would find not everything in your life is as hard as you've been making it seem it's so easy to forget sometimes all you need is just to find another way to say the words I don't like me Now carry me home now carry me home maybe I'll be different come tomorrow after all it will be a whole new day if it ever even comes lying in the dirt without a care in the world hair and fingernail still growing without anybody knowing how sorry someone so tough could be and boy, is he sorry now now carry me home now carry me home I'll make a fool of myself if you'll stick around don't you tell me how to walk around I'm too drunk to not fall down you're too busy spitting in the wind to care your shirt is getting wet all us fish are sick again too much salt water you've been drinking it again now all us fish are sea sick
5.
I love her because she's gone if she came back I'd probably run I was only serious if you thought I was and if not well then I knew all along I can't say what's brought us here today but I no longer feel bad about forgetting your name I just wanted to be here all alone so I took that knife and cut the life right from your throat you cannot have your life back so it's best just to forget that we ever made mistakes like the on in which we met My life remains like water falling from a cliff and my body lacks the strength to fight the rocks on the way down I can't say what's brought us here today but I no longer feel bad about forgetting your name I just wanted to be here all alone so I took that knife and cut the life right from your throat you cannot have your life back so it's best just to forget that we ever made mistakes like the on in which we met rapidly tumbling down mountains stones are crushing houses and home sticks and trees are sinking down to city streets where even the dirt don't live for free

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released November 21, 2014

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Dwight Vernon Forcey Denver, Colorado

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